this love has taken its toll on me

"In a small way, I wish that you had just decided to give up. My life could have then proceeded to regain some state of my preconceived normalcy. I have been so comfortable with mediocrity, so satisfied with my constant search for someone that would be better for me, that I sometimes forget that I still have you. I would never cheat, I don't lie, but I still feel this pressing, unbearable feeling of guilt laying heavy on my chest. I can't pretend that I'm a victim to my ways either; I'm conscious of my decisions. Maybe I underestimated the power of suggestion. Or maybe I'm really just starting to catch on that you aren't good enough for me. Either way, I've become burdened with your burden. I don't know if you want me to wrong you so you can continue to wallow in self- pity, or if you're really interested in fighting for this relationship. I'm only happy with you when I see you. When you aren't around, I start to think the kind of thoughts that make me feel guilty. The problem is that you really aren't around enough to keep me consistently happy. It's not entirely your fault, I know you try, but I'm demanding. I know I'm not wasting my time, but I still sometimes feel as if I would be better suited to someone else. I don't know with you anymore. You're going to have to prove it to me. "

this was written by my friend Kat, i thought it was wonderful

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