should i get

BRAIDS?!?

i want braids during the coming summer months. 

but idk if i can pull it off, considering my style(or lack thereof)

check out these girls with braids, can i do it?? 

let me know  before i make what might be the biggest mistake of the year... :/

Hoping for a Hero's Saga rather than a Victim's Whine

I found myself sitting in a coffee shop, my nerdy glasses fogging up, finally accepting what I've been denying all along.  I've produced a blockade or wall of some-sort. When someone trespasses into my realm of security, I freak. Why are you being nice to me? How come you actually care about me? It appalls me how you can like me as a person when I don't even like myself. Why do I push those who love me the most away? Those who I love the most?  I don't write this to complain, rather to look back at old posts and smile because I have overcome an obstacle. (Hopefully. :/ )

Sarcasm and wit translates into a shield of comfort for me. However, I didn't realize that I was being absolutely formidable to those around me. I thought, Perhaps if I can push them away, I won't get attached and hurt when they leave. I hurt people because I have been hurt. Its almost like a competition, a subconscious one at that... if I hurt them first, they can't hurt me. Im not conniving or a gossip i don't plan to say mean things, I never tried to be mean but I guess I've never tried to be nice. Its as if i look for ways for you to dislike me, so that i don't have to worry with having a good friend, because one friends did a whole lot of damage. Friendship requires trust and I'm too scared to trust anyone. I can't trust anyone, and i don't trust anyone.

Sometimes its the people who you care about the most who have the most potential to hurt you the most. I cared, I still care. One person has ruined my attitude and complete outlook on life. I need to forgive just so that I can stop being so afraid of everyone else. I have allowed myself to feel that i am not worthy of friends, I feel as though because I wasn't good enough for him that I'm not good enough for anyone. While he's forgotten about me, I still feel the pain he's caused. and now I've begun to pass out that pain to anyone that I truly love. 

Im sorry if I've hurt you, I'm sorry that i push you away. I know you care about me, but in a way i don't want you to care. i dont think im worth it, im not what you think you see. But your not the only one, I believe I've made myself lonely for some time now. So i apologize to all who has ever tried. Im sorry, i will change I promise. It hurts me to see that I've hurt you. 

im off, to rewrite every memory of my victimization to a hero's adventure.

I Wouldn't be the Same

I laugh at my own jokes and what I deem to be clever wit
And you don't seem to mind that I'm so stupid
You kiss me once again, I forget what I'm babbling about

bleh. good song though!!!! :D

im happiest when im boring. 

and i love spending time with myself. 

random post.

the existence of God cannot be proven but neither can atheism...

One of the many reasons people cite for believing God doesn't exist is that there is no empirical evidence that he does, in fact, exist. 

I've been there, heard that. 

but the more i think about it, the morw faith i have. :]

bleh, weird day today. 

i left school early even though it meant skipping photography class (which greatly saddened me.) rather, I enjoyed a wonderful day of driving around with my mother to run errands. 'twas quite wonderful, im not gonna lie. 

im going to a tea party tonight, yes tea. 

this should be interesting. 

but i might as well see what many teas taste like....oh btw last night i had a dream Julie Andrews was there! lol how silly of me!

mmmk, imma go now. :]

speechless.

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege to attend an AWESOME service. Wow. it was unbelievable, the hospitality was warm, worship was inviting, and the preaching was impeccable. I sat with my sister Janessa and even in our silent glances to each other, we knew that inside we were both saying "danggg, this preaching is good!" I hadn't gone to a service like that in awhile, however, i noticed something that was bugging me the entire night. And even now, it irritates me just thinking about it.

i don't know what to feel, i don't know whether to be sad, upset, I probably should not care...yet i do.

In the midst of a great blessing from God, I found myself becoming a bit distracted. I could not help but notice some youth as they passed by the pew where i was sitting. A quiet but noticable hello was exchanged as the two friends greeted eachother. "Hey, Its good to see you here, I have to talk to you about something, do you have your phone?" "yea, text me," the other replied. I didn't really care that they were gonna text, im not much of a stickler when it comes to things like that, ive texted in church before, everyone has. But wow, i was shocked at the talent these individuals had. The ability to text throughout the enitre service while still comprehending the message of the sermon was incredible. Between messages they would occasionally look up, clap, even raise their hand in praise. I can only hope that I will one day be blessed with the skill of multitasking, it was a sight to see. Now, I dont want to criticize people because surely I have texted during a service before, but I was a child then. Friends, its time to grow up. Everyone is watching the youth, simply waiting for us to fail, don't give them a reason to talk about us. What could be so important the it could not wait til after service? Honestly, it didn't bother me that much that they were missing out, but that they were distracting others around them. 

I leave you with this...
Is church becoming a social event?
I wonder how many people would still attend if nobody went out to eat afterward?
I certainly hope that when I want God to listen to my problems he isn't too busy chatting it up with his friends.

I recieved a tremendous blessing that night, but I can only wonder if those 2 talkative friends did as well.

WORLD changers? What about changing OURSELVES?

The world wont be changed until we are changed individually. How can we be a light when we ourselves may still be living in darkness? I accidently stumbled upon this article... but it really got me thinking...

"When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world.  As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened by sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seem immovable. As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realized: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed by family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world."  -found on a tomb at Westminster Abby

Jesus knows that the world can only be changed when individual people are changed. Jesus often dealt with individual people. He met them at the level of their need, no matter where He was or how great the multitudes were.  He stopped everything and called down Zacchaeus (Luke 19:5); He stopped everybody to find the women with the issue of blood (Mark 5:34); He called out blind Bartimaeus from the crowds (Mark 10:49), He removed the crowds with a question, then forgave a women caught in sin (John 8:11); He met a Samaritan women alone (John 4:7); He gave the 'born again' message to one person (John 3:5); He gave the 'keys to the kingdom' to one person-Peter (Matt. 16:19). Jesus loves you enough to change you into what you should be and He is now asking you the same question he asked James and John in Mark 10:35:    "What would ye that I should do for you?"  

I was walking down the staircase in my home, when i looked up i saw what i must have passed by thousands of times,

Sure, intercessary prayer is needed, but I think we may be forgetting the bigger picture. What good is it for the rest of the world to be saved when we can't even save our own families? Maybe we should first call ourselves "Us-Changers", then "Family Changers" then "Community Changers" then "Culture Changers" then finally, when we have truly made a change, "WORLD CHANGERS"